It is impossible to love an alcoholic correctly by enabling. If anything a person does for an alcoholic that gives them an opportunity to drink, they are enabling. Enabling harms an alcoholic, takes away their self esteem and keeps them dependent on their enabler. It is a very unhealthy cycle to be stuck in, for both parties. An alcoholic will never grow out of their alcoholism so long as they choose to remain dependent on their enabler. Someone has to break the cycle, and typically it has to be the enabler as they are the one who is not in the grasp of addiction.

Being firm on this point is difficult, as the alcoholic will try a number of tactics to get their enabler to comply with their desires, such as guilt trips, tears, anger, threats and more. Plus, there is often a genuine loving bond between an alcoholic and their enabler. Enabling someone does not mean you do not love them, it simply means you are not doing a good job of loving them.

Anyone who cares about an alcoholic knows there is nothing you want more for them than to stop drinking and feel whole. Unfortunately, it is not as easy as all that. Helping someone let go of alcohol is a very delicate process with no guaranteed outcome. A person can invest an incredible amount of love, time and energy into trying to help someone stop drinking, and it may not have any effect. This leaves the supporter devastated, angry and dejected. The question is, how do you support an alcoholic in a healthy way, without enabling, chastising or stigmatizing their addiction?

The answer is one that takes some careful consideration, even though it is fairly straightforward. Logically, it makes perfect sense, but applying it to your personal situation can present challenges. The key to supporting an alcoholic in a healthy manner is by offering to support them through recovery but refusing to take part in their addiction with them. This philosophy, when applied, will influence an addict in a positive direction ultimately, even if their initial reaction to it is one of anger.